As I sit here initiating my own slow demise by eating a bag full of chicken nuggets and barbecue sauce with some Funyun chasers, I realized something. I realized that I'm genetically predisposed to be a lazy person. Something I inherited from my mother. However, I'm not saying that I think all hope is lost for me. I just need to reprogram my mind. Start establishing a better routine and maybe toss a couple of non-routine things in, leave room for spontaneity.
I have a boring hamster wheel routine at the moment. I go to work at the same time every day, five days a week, have two days off, spend one of those days running a RPG for Lia, sit in front of my computer in the evenings as well as on the one day I have nothing demanded of me. So, its not like I don't have time to be creative. It's just incredibly hard to motivate myself.
I know one problem is that I spent several years trying to cater to a group of people's ideas instead of focusing on what I wanted. Now, my core ideas seemed soiled. I feel as if I should wipe the slate clean and distance myself from that disaster as much as possible. The other side of me wants to hold on a bit more, change a few things and move on. In the end I have to go with my heart.
Anyway, this rambling doesn't say much or mean much to those reading but, I'm trying to wake up. Trying to relight the fire.
Mood: Daily Needs